Seeking and Sharing the Fullness of Life

A Big Fleshy Man’s Heart

Cameron, a gay Christian man, was welcomed into the membership of our church, by reaffirmation of his baptismal vows, during the Paschal Vigil. He shared this extraordinarily powerful poem as his testimony.

As a baby they wetted my head
and declared me theirs’
and God’s…Belonging to the Church Universal
Church was spelt
With a big “C”
And I mean a really big “C”
As in the”Hail Mary”, nuns, priests, rosaries, confessions and the real presence

God Locked  in a brass box
At the back of a big “C” church

A boy
Held
Loved
and saved and safe
Growing into becoming
Growing  into loving and seeking
and wonder
Wondering about my heart….now a  fleshy mans heart that wanted to
that felt called to
that desired to
Give my fleshy man’s heart
My big fleshy man’s heart
My God given heart
to another
Another fleshy man
And then
And then “intrinsically disordered”
anxiety arriving every Sunday
Present and fearful
“Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed”

That word was never spoken
Instead banished

“Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy, hail, our life, our sweetness and our hope.
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears”

Wandering in the valley of tears
Wandering and wondering into
This place
Here
This people
You, each one
This table
This table round and long and open too
Jesus
Embraced, proclaimed,
Bodies, hearts, bread, wine, tears
Broken shared and shed
This Real Presence
Here
So small
So little
So precious
So so beautiful

and Silence…

Welcomed and welcoming
Here I am missed
Here I belong
To this people
To this place
To this table
To this church and
Here all of me belongs to
Jesus
Creator
Redeemer
And Sustainer
Alleluia! Alleluia!
He is risen indeed!
Amen

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